Here I am, sipping a poorly mixed protein shake out of a red plastic cup, killing time as my body decays at a speed the human eye can not track. I sit and monitor the signs. Ruminate on sounds that travel in the form of thought, there is a science to the breakdown, a pattern, everything is numbers, our own demise a simple math equation; 0-0 = 0. “Fuck” I think to myself. It passes. I feel bad. Then I feel good. Then I feel bad again. This process repeats itself a million times over and suddenly the day is no longer. The fluorescent sky has shifted to darkness, not black, just a shroud of darkness, like the thin film that coats my brain and I wait to turn off my own lights, eyes closed, resting, awaiting on a new day, another day inside this skin, behind this face, inside this mind. So I go to “work”, I go be “me”, and keep searching for feelings that do not exist. Satisfy a desire, put food inside me, think thoughts that make me happy, think thoughts that make me sad. Exercise restraint. Be slightly better than someone.
